the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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