I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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