so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
