just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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