So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
