hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
