That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
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You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
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well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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