He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
