This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
