I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
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