it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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