I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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