I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
