Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
