Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
