Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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