I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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