Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
