remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
