i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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