he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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