if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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