I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
