Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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