Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
