TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
