i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize