Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
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definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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