Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
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Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
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I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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