Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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