In America we eat man semen.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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