he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
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She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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