Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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