i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
