Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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