: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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