Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
