All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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