yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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