He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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