My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
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There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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