Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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