I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Congratulations! We have a period
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
