And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I think my fart just growled at me.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
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Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
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Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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