so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
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There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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