I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
