So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
