you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He? As in you personified your dick?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
