My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I had to cum in my sink.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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