i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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