I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
