There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
