Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Vodka?
Forever.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
