if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
