is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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