Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
