bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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