She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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