Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I touched a dick in church today
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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