he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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