your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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