At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
