So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
