Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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