I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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